Series of Words Unspoken

10-03-12

By: Yours Truly

I miss you

**** ❤

This feeling I cannot explain

Whatever it is I just cannot restrain

You hold my heart like holding my breath

You tear me apart like a broken wreath

It was the shortest time meeting you

The least that could happen is impossible to undo

I’ve fallen in love with an activist

Someone who’d fight using his fist

Saying these things would mean useless

For it would always remain as a sheer mess

Thinking you has taken my rationality

I’d be willing to go on even if it means stupidity

I don’t know what brought you here

To cause such delay in my wildest thoughts my dear

You came but only to make me fall in love

Without even giving warnings through a dove

I would say, you are to be admired

With your shipshape look, I’d never get tired

You have radical ideas circling your mind

These things are making you a one of a kind

I cannot understand even if how I tried to

‘Cause you’d always remain as somebody so hard to pursue

Perhaps you’ve already have someone in your heart

Somebody I’d never outsmart

Shouldn’t I’d never expect nor assume

For doing such is like smelling a raw perfume

Killing myself softly with your tender presence

Would only make me a luminescence

You came just to tell me I’m stupid

Then left just to remind me I’m just a dry seed

Whom you’d never get interested

Worst, you’d never ever take time to shed.

AND SO I AM DYING… NOW… L Thanks for at least taking time in asking how I am – my reply: I AM NOT OKAY AND WILL NEVER BE.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

10-04-12

Dear my greatest trusted confidante,

Here I am again… Trying to confide things  just because I’m hurt,,. But before that, I wanna say sorry for being so occupied with all these things. I might have tortured you already for giving you so much aches. I’ve become too insensitive already, hurting at the most of your being. I know you’re hurt already but I just wanna share this ‘cause I’m feeling so nostalgic, hurt, used and helpless now.

You know, is it bad to fall in love? Like for such a short time of meeting somebody else then wasting some tears for this somebody? Please answer ‘cause I don’t know… I am totally corrupted now.

I don’t know what’s in his being which makes me fall and fall for him each day though Imay not see him everyday. I met him only twice, the first and maybe the last. He was awesome! And this time, I’ve come to ask. Have I fallen already or it’s just a mere admiration or fascination? …..

Hey, whaaaat? What is it?

I always think of him. Always caress his presence in my mind. He’s becoming too acquainted in my thoughts. And I cannot deny, he’s becoming one of my nerves already. I am expecting a bit, maybe and maybe hoping a lot for him to like/love me like the way I do. I demand for a reciprocal love. BUT I think it isn’t going to happen anymore. He’s totally in love with someone else. He’s definitely into this lucky girl and He’s MARRIED just all these times! He’s not here because he was there with her. He’s happily married and maybe devotedly in love with this girl.

With this, I conclude… I should maybe start wiping my tears and establishing a wider gap between us. Moreover, I may fall down at least, all by myself I would stand up and hold my head up high even if the feeling tortures me to death. And now, let me say farewell to this person because I will never let you cause me more pain. I am hurt a lot and will never be hurt the next time. 

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

10-20-12

I was thinking all along that perhaps I’ve changed my mind already or maybe have taken the detour route by realizing matters to resolve my self-validating issues. I was happy admiring others and taking up fascinations while being with those guys out there. They were all good friends, they respect me and they are nice. We did share both good and fun memories, and that’s how I may describe how was I during those tough times of NO YOU to expect to see each day and NO YOU to impress. Still, I managed to make myself beautiful at some times but usually, I became absurd. Really… If I may say, I got to feel a company with some of your colleagues because they’ve chosen to stay here not because of me but because of their own personal reasons and that would be enough. Not like you, you left and somehow posed a nostalgia and expectation in my part even if I don’t have the right to feel such. You left for your own personal reasons which I cannot counter. At least, your colleagues chose to remain here and not to leave.

Now, I’ve chosen this feeling to disclose it to your utmost unconsciousness that I was grateful, very grateful to have forgotten you and more than that because of your absence and their presence which covered the translucent light of this hopeless love for you but then, suddenly… You came again, not by your presence but through your hypnotizing words which caused me to burst. I don’t know how to interpret you, your words, your actions, your you… BEING YOU… I was then happy with how you respond to my longing but it was all a short while because deep inside me I know it was just a consolation. I should not blind myself with the truth that someone like you would never like me much as true that you’re a liar. I am such a hopeless kid falling in love with a mysterious guy. Sorry, but let me cry this time.

END

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

10-20-12

The worst part is, in that situation I was the one who was caught on guard, I was the one who gave in, I was the victim. And now I am the one hurting and missing. I only have your “regards” and nothing more. This word of mere acquaintance and consolation of which I have misunderstood and have used for a short period of happiness… You are married and here I am, secretly hurting. 

BEST THING I NEVER HAD… YOU WILL REMAIN INSIDE ME… FORGET ME, IT’S OKAY. TURN YOUR BACK, I KNOW YOU WILL… I LOVE YOU.

Advertisements

Pastel Dream. Neon Ecstasy.

These hues are just my favorites to death!

Pastel- a low saturated color of light and crisp I truly adore. Things with pastel colors are way cuter, feminine, sweet and candid.

Just like these…

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Sorbet-like shades ❤ – bitter lemon, mint and cantaloupe are so spring-in-touch just can’t get off myself with it.

Neon- a high saturated hue that is too hot, frantic and fierce! Rawr!

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Neon is so bold, upbeat and luminous that it invigorates the eye.

🙂

From a Silver-tongued

I started blogging when I was 14 and my blog site before was at Blogspot and I had literary contents, because back then, writing literary pieces is my forte other than writing styles. Until I’ve come to learn to write at all sorts.

When I was in junior year, I had my blog site at Tumblr. There, I just kept on reblogging, only seldom when I write my own. That was more on of a second rate of me (though I can post my own but that’s the nature of the site) and so, I deleted my account. I only stayed there for almost a month and tried to find sanctuary at some point.

Reaching my last year in high school, I established a blog site at WordPress. I thought it was finally the refuge I’m looking but the fervor faded. I had plenty of articles/posts which were reviews and in opinionated-forms but I deleted them all. For a month, I went back to blogging but only for a purpose of academic compliance. My IT subject required us to create a blog and update it everyday, making it a journal of our daily activities. And so I wrote and wrote not at heart but only with an arid purpose.

Then, I realized, all of those unsuccessful blogs were caused by second-thoughts.

I had second-thoughts of being expressive or being not. It was also an identity crisis because I couldn’t actually identify myself as an articulate person or the silent type.

I had a hard time looking for myself if I would be the outspoken version or the discreet one. Because if I’d be outspoken, I’d get all the time talking and talking of what my mind and heart tell but it will make me exaggerated but if I’d get be discreet and all, people will find me modest and meek but I’d become futile and my real identity would not be served at its best.

And when the right time came, I’ve understood the real insides of my heart that I should live up to reality of myself and that I do not live standing side by side with others’ standards. God gifted me with strong sense of language skills and hence, I should use it for its purpose of providing me the real identity I’m looking for. Thank you Lord for such gift because I am now not afraid to say what my heart desires.

I am really back to blogging. This is NO FEAR at all.

 

Write sensitively.

Frenemies: The Usual High School Issue

Insecurity.

Image

This just popped in my mind and it made me recall my high school freshman year because it was the first time I had a frenemy. And please, let me L-O-L to that. Well, I was just a fine loser teeny brat who enjoyed life materialistically.

Before, I had a friend and uhmm.. I mean, a rival friend who used to be my classmate. She’s a typical teen with a low-profile in school but is kinda wild and frantic. Btw, let’s call her Rossi- just an alyas. Our competition/rivalry started when I had a “textmate” who also became his “textmate”. The guy’s name is Jem and he lives in a far, far, away land a thousand miles away from our location (i’m not going to recount every bit of information but just some of the things i can sort-out) Then, this guy was, obviously became my “crush” and later on, her “crush” too. We both wanted to gain Jem’s attention and so we compete in all ways which caused such great dilemma to me and perhaps, to her as well because it did not only distract our virtual relationship but also our real life relationship and that it came that we both bragged our things, fame and social status to each other that when one gets, the other should also have the same or most probably, to outdo the other. I remember, she had a gray denim jacket and I also had a brown denim jacket. So, that was really a freaking distracting incident which was really caused by insecurity.

Image

In relation, since I’m a big fan of Archie Comics, the characters of Betty Cooper and Veronica Lodge in the comic series was a remembrance to me of what I became when Insecurity took hold of my being. It really kills. It gradually torments your soul and I’m just very glad that I was able to surpass such enormous feeling of both jealousy and hatred towards other people because of things I am not capable of having. I am now in college and I am contented of who I am and what I have. Insecurity/jealousy/envy and whatever is that is just a living demon waiting to be activated but countering it with gratitude and acceptance is a key in developing oneself holistically with values we can be proud of.

Image

Well, insecurity is really inevitable because there would always come a time when you feel being left behind or maybe you feel being the losing horse in a race but it’s natural it’s just we can adjust and alter our reactions. We get to feel it but we can always divert our feeling into something positive. After all, they are our friends, those people we are usually insecure at. If they have things that we don’t have, let us remember that we have things that they do not have. We are different and the only thing that makes us all the same is that we are all different.

For now, let us be grateful of the things we have, places we’ve been to, experiences and lessons we gained and most especially people we cherished because they are those reasons for us not to be insecure.

To end, I have this saying…

Image

Let us nurture ourselves if not with material things but the possibilities of exploring what the world can give. AJA!

Just combi/my ideal get-ups

Second semester is fast approaching and I haven’t yet prepared for it… It’s great depression at home, I think, uh? Simply no budget for shopping… All expenses were all laid down for the renovation of the house. 😦 But I understand. 🙂

Despite that, I’d still love to share my ideal get-ups for college. Just bedazzling all around a 28 hectare-campus 😉 Now, look at the rundown of photos..

Blue boyfriend polo + brown jeans? Nice. :))

Eccentric. The color i ❤

Aztec meets retro?

Laid-back retro-inggggg xD sweatshirt, oxfords and satchel?? ghad. awesome!

wanna get rugged 🙂

hanging blouse plus gladiator flats

black & white movement

Florals. Sneakers. Oh why not?

Love this! Loose sweatshirt in contrast with skin-tight denim jeans

blazers (formal) and loose tanks (casual) the irony you can get!

statement and shirts and wedges

Gosh. these are so ideal. More love ❤ I’d love to copy the get-up idea but cheers just for staring these. Haha. Well, hello second sem! 🙂

An Ivory Dream

Image

At the hosts’ podium

I just made it to my bestfriend’s debut party and it was so fun. The theme was fairy-fantasy, well it really reflected in the venue with all the lily centerpiece and the leafless tree with colorful butterflies and everyone else in the hall. It was like a dream, more so with my outfit. I just love it although it was so short that I couldn’t help but be conscious. Haha. I am not used to such glamour kase. Sarehh.. The program was reachable because of the smooth flow of activities plus with all known people around.

Let me share some of the photos I got!

Image

White Lilies

Image

Fake butterflies perching

Image

Delicious!

Image

Leche Plan, best ever

Image

DIY Sweets. Marshmallows topped with Choco Fillings

Image

With a former neighbor, Quinn

Image

At the hallway

Image

I just love what I wore. 😀 Dress: XOXO | Heels: Mosaique | Apple Earrings and Silver Bracelet

The entire evening was such a dreamy. Relaxing and fabulous! 😉 But most of all, what I love with that evening is that, I was able to see the debutante and the rest of my HS buddies.

#Goodvibes

P.S.

At D’Leonor Hotel and Inland Resort

Green Fingers

With the 2-week-half-blown-renovation at home, I was assigned to transfer the plants to their designated pots. The plants are so pretty all the way from Tacurong which mama and the rest brought from last week’s out-of-town. Anyway, while transferring residence is some kinda refreshing, still, it didn’t get to me that it would be so tiring doing all-around household chores like beautifying the house with landscape, trellis, gazebo, etc. (these things are just some of the plans, hope they’ll come into reality) I tell you. I excreted tons of sweat over these things. Haha.

Btw, take a look of these photos of plants I planted 🙂 Sure I am really into gardening. Plants are really to be loved ❤

Image

Gabi plants and Orchids

Image

Image

Image

Some are already turning yellow due to delay but still good for a transfer

Ow, would I be able to entitle myself as Apple Green Fingers just like my favorite game when I was young Alice Green Fingers? Guess, yes! Haha!

This one, called “Money Tree” is for good luck. My mother has mistakenly called this as “Money Maker” we were really laughing hearing her say such. So, it seems like a tree bearing paper bills? LOL

Money Tree

K, move on.

Also, I took a photo of these Malabar Nightshade vines in bisaya “Alugbati” 😀 They just grew in the front yard in which they occupy the not-so large spot and we didn’t bother to pluck them because we love eating them. Hahaha.

Image

Well, this grass is just perfect to simply look at it. Idk, it gives a dreamy effect.Image

Just like these trees, a good view! 🙂

Image

Planting is really fun! Aside from idle activities, engaging in this fun and environmental activity is surely a rewarding venture.