I started blogging when I was 14 and my blog site before was at Blogspot and I had literary contents, because back then, writing literary pieces is my forte other than writing styles. Until I’ve come to learn to write at all sorts.
When I was in junior year, I had my blog site at Tumblr. There, I just kept on reblogging, only seldom when I write my own. That was more on of a second rate of me (though I can post my own but that’s the nature of the site) and so, I deleted my account. I only stayed there for almost a month and tried to find sanctuary at some point.
Reaching my last year in high school, I established a blog site at WordPress. I thought it was finally the refuge I’m looking but the fervor faded. I had plenty of articles/posts which were reviews and in opinionated-forms but I deleted them all. For a month, I went back to blogging but only for a purpose of academic compliance. My IT subject required us to create a blog and update it everyday, making it a journal of our daily activities. And so I wrote and wrote not at heart but only with an arid purpose.
Then, I realized, all of those unsuccessful blogs were caused by second-thoughts.
I had second-thoughts of being expressive or being not. It was also an identity crisis because I couldn’t actually identify myself as an articulate person or the silent type.
I had a hard time looking for myself if I would be the outspoken version or the discreet one. Because if I’d be outspoken, I’d get all the time talking and talking of what my mind and heart tell but it will make me exaggerated but if I’d get be discreet and all, people will find me modest and meek but I’d become futile and my real identity would not be served at its best.
And when the right time came, I’ve understood the real insides of my heart that I should live up to reality of myself and that I do not live standing side by side with others’ standards. God gifted me with strong sense of language skills and hence, I should use it for its purpose of providing me the real identity I’m looking for. Thank you Lord for such gift because I am now not afraid to say what my heart desires.
I am really back to blogging. This is NO FEAR at all.