Series of Words Unspoken

10-03-12

By: Yours Truly

I miss you

**** ❤

This feeling I cannot explain

Whatever it is I just cannot restrain

You hold my heart like holding my breath

You tear me apart like a broken wreath

It was the shortest time meeting you

The least that could happen is impossible to undo

I’ve fallen in love with an activist

Someone who’d fight using his fist

Saying these things would mean useless

For it would always remain as a sheer mess

Thinking you has taken my rationality

I’d be willing to go on even if it means stupidity

I don’t know what brought you here

To cause such delay in my wildest thoughts my dear

You came but only to make me fall in love

Without even giving warnings through a dove

I would say, you are to be admired

With your shipshape look, I’d never get tired

You have radical ideas circling your mind

These things are making you a one of a kind

I cannot understand even if how I tried to

‘Cause you’d always remain as somebody so hard to pursue

Perhaps you’ve already have someone in your heart

Somebody I’d never outsmart

Shouldn’t I’d never expect nor assume

For doing such is like smelling a raw perfume

Killing myself softly with your tender presence

Would only make me a luminescence

You came just to tell me I’m stupid

Then left just to remind me I’m just a dry seed

Whom you’d never get interested

Worst, you’d never ever take time to shed.

AND SO I AM DYING… NOW… L Thanks for at least taking time in asking how I am – my reply: I AM NOT OKAY AND WILL NEVER BE.

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10-04-12

Dear my greatest trusted confidante,

Here I am again… Trying to confide things  just because I’m hurt,,. But before that, I wanna say sorry for being so occupied with all these things. I might have tortured you already for giving you so much aches. I’ve become too insensitive already, hurting at the most of your being. I know you’re hurt already but I just wanna share this ‘cause I’m feeling so nostalgic, hurt, used and helpless now.

You know, is it bad to fall in love? Like for such a short time of meeting somebody else then wasting some tears for this somebody? Please answer ‘cause I don’t know… I am totally corrupted now.

I don’t know what’s in his being which makes me fall and fall for him each day though Imay not see him everyday. I met him only twice, the first and maybe the last. He was awesome! And this time, I’ve come to ask. Have I fallen already or it’s just a mere admiration or fascination? …..

Hey, whaaaat? What is it?

I always think of him. Always caress his presence in my mind. He’s becoming too acquainted in my thoughts. And I cannot deny, he’s becoming one of my nerves already. I am expecting a bit, maybe and maybe hoping a lot for him to like/love me like the way I do. I demand for a reciprocal love. BUT I think it isn’t going to happen anymore. He’s totally in love with someone else. He’s definitely into this lucky girl and He’s MARRIED just all these times! He’s not here because he was there with her. He’s happily married and maybe devotedly in love with this girl.

With this, I conclude… I should maybe start wiping my tears and establishing a wider gap between us. Moreover, I may fall down at least, all by myself I would stand up and hold my head up high even if the feeling tortures me to death. And now, let me say farewell to this person because I will never let you cause me more pain. I am hurt a lot and will never be hurt the next time. 

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10-20-12

I was thinking all along that perhaps I’ve changed my mind already or maybe have taken the detour route by realizing matters to resolve my self-validating issues. I was happy admiring others and taking up fascinations while being with those guys out there. They were all good friends, they respect me and they are nice. We did share both good and fun memories, and that’s how I may describe how was I during those tough times of NO YOU to expect to see each day and NO YOU to impress. Still, I managed to make myself beautiful at some times but usually, I became absurd. Really… If I may say, I got to feel a company with some of your colleagues because they’ve chosen to stay here not because of me but because of their own personal reasons and that would be enough. Not like you, you left and somehow posed a nostalgia and expectation in my part even if I don’t have the right to feel such. You left for your own personal reasons which I cannot counter. At least, your colleagues chose to remain here and not to leave.

Now, I’ve chosen this feeling to disclose it to your utmost unconsciousness that I was grateful, very grateful to have forgotten you and more than that because of your absence and their presence which covered the translucent light of this hopeless love for you but then, suddenly… You came again, not by your presence but through your hypnotizing words which caused me to burst. I don’t know how to interpret you, your words, your actions, your you… BEING YOU… I was then happy with how you respond to my longing but it was all a short while because deep inside me I know it was just a consolation. I should not blind myself with the truth that someone like you would never like me much as true that you’re a liar. I am such a hopeless kid falling in love with a mysterious guy. Sorry, but let me cry this time.

END

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10-20-12

The worst part is, in that situation I was the one who was caught on guard, I was the one who gave in, I was the victim. And now I am the one hurting and missing. I only have your “regards” and nothing more. This word of mere acquaintance and consolation of which I have misunderstood and have used for a short period of happiness… You are married and here I am, secretly hurting. 

BEST THING I NEVER HAD… YOU WILL REMAIN INSIDE ME… FORGET ME, IT’S OKAY. TURN YOUR BACK, I KNOW YOU WILL… I LOVE YOU.

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