September COME BACK!

Hi, I’m back for a very long time! How are you?

Well as for me, I am doing fine- really really fine though I had a lot of relapse and mishaps the past months. Just recently, I am also managing my anxiety problem. Thought of going to our guidance office but I rejected the thought because I seemed to be managing this well, so far.

But going back, I seemed to process a lot of ideas the past few months and I hadn’t been blogging those. A lot of those and forgot most of them. But let me start my come back with a bio-post again LOL

I’ve already made changes, small changes with immense impacts. So far, they made me better. They changed me for like 70% in me (perhaps if my estimation is not wrong)

First, I’ve come not to hate this one person anymore. Way back, I was used to curse her like hell because I simple hate her the way she is. I was jealous back then because she has something I don’t have. I admit that. I hate her existence and I hate everything about her. But that was before. Now, I’m loving her as a friend. I don’t mind what she’s up to, what she’s doing or even what she’s wearing now compared before. The rage against her has not yet blown away entirely but at least 1/8 of it has gone so far. The feeling is light and I love it.

Second, as much as possible I was able to resist temptations and deny so much materialism. I am working now as a writer in a certain company plus I race through days to keep with my schedule as a working student and as a responsible daughter. Still, I am this person in the house who never leaves the house with so much mess and I see to it that my cousin is good going to school and that mom’s fine. I deal with problems (though I had hard times and worst ones) and I was able to keep my pedestal. More so, temptations though they’re nerve-wracking still at least even a bit, I was able to resist them like simple eat-outs and strolling. I kept up. I was also able not to buy so much things which I did not need. Now, I only buy those I see as very important. I am also glad to have my job because it really pays – I get paid while I learn and enjoy.

Third, the exposure I was used to have in school had been changed. I am now an ordinary school girl and I love everything about it, no regrets though there are times I would think I wished I had them back. But I love earning my own money and earning job experience credits. For practicality’s sake. I wouldn’t want to graduate by 2015 (hopefully) with no job assurance. I was also able to avoid too much texting of which I was addicted into. Then, today is my 16th day of no Facebook account. It’s just I felt Facebook brought no good things to me the past weeks which is why I deactivated it. Now I am now in my Twitter and I love every single thing I do there. Also I realized that I could really survive from these changes so long as I still have “one thing” to share all my random feelings whenever I want to shout out and that is Twitter.

Fourth, the guy I’ve been eyeing for so long now has been a brain drain for me which is why I chose to avoid him and eventually cut off our communication. Will not go into details but I am just happy we’re not talking anymore- virtual talks I mean. I believe he’s still into this girl and I couldn’t keep up. I hurt hurting myself, simple as that. I’ve only been an option, that’s my instinct and observation and I couldn’t anymore suffice looking so dumb which is why I ended everything. But so much for that…

Fifth, the most important thing is that…. despite my anxiety disorder (specifically OCD) and all the problems at work, school and at home, I am slowly pacing- I am slowly retrieving my steps- I am slowly rising- I am slowly taking a stand- I am slowly recovering because I also came back to God. To be honest, I came to a point where I missed Him. I forgot He was there and I even doubted His existence. But I am thankful enough that after a very long time (I guess so) I am now back to His Kingdom. I’d always love reading few passages in the Bible every night and I love talking to Him whenever I want. It seems that God is more than a Twitter to me. As Twitter would accumulate all my emotions and ideas, God is more than that. He’s also able to relieve my stress and pains. He’s able to solve what I’m going through by simply tapping at my back and hugging me although not physically.

I may have had a lot of rise and fall for the last 3 months but I surpassed them. Good thing I have Him. So truly blessed. Hope you find His intervention, too. 🙂 He’ll put a smile on your face, for sure. 🙂

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The Change I Get

Aside

Hi, this post is actually my first mobile blogging and I get to excite my nerves because you know me, my ideas don’t just sit around the corner and wonder.. err.. They upsurge to be shared! And mobile blogging is really convenient because like for this moment, thoughts just run down though I’m already in bed (and definitely tired) and I get to post this.

So much for that! I want to speak about “change” now… Well, I’ve been speaking about that certain word all the time and it means for me in three words: (1) open-mindedness (2) liberalism (3) adventure AND nothing’s gonna hold me back! This opening of the school year and btw, the end of summer, I want to reinvent myself by first and foremost be a low-profile college girl. Not inasmuch as I want to change every bit but I want to be more academic-oriented and less in extra-curricular activities; except that I am still into my tutorial jobs whether online, private or both and my sidelines (Buy & Sell Pre-loved clothes/Land Deal). Coming up with this resolution was REALLY REALLY HARD to consider that I am an active student ever since at being the leader all the time became my habit, my agendum and my passion. But above all, my family is my FIRST priority and this time, I want to help a lot in doing things that will suffice my family’s needs which include my effort to assist our business (little sari-sari store) and chores at home. After all, these are the LEAST things I can do in a sense of payback to my parents while I am still studying. Further, I also feel the need to be someone new in the eyes of the many because I want to lessen the guilt I have because giving too much time serving my organizations made me happy of course but less than that, made me guilty because I sacrificed my family and mama and papa’s getting old, I want to assist them as much as I can. But mostly, I’d get to relax my mind by thinking that I’ll never stop learning and exploring. Leaving the university limelight, I know and believe that this decision is good because Almighty God has guided me to clear my cloudy thoughts. To end, I may take other route and perhaps I’d only take a train rather than an airplane, at least if I may not see the world in a skyscraper view, at least, I’d see the luscious green fields of the countryside. 🙂

P.S. I’ll reduce the romance section in my story of which I’ll eliminate some, entertain a few ones and perhaps, just throw them all in a non-recyclable bin! Slow the fast life, forget the pain and laugh out loud! Enough that I am stupid. I won’t dwell anymore.