September COME BACK!

Hi, I’m back for a very long time! How are you?

Well as for me, I am doing fine- really really fine though I had a lot of relapse and mishaps the past months. Just recently, I am also managing my anxiety problem. Thought of going to our guidance office but I rejected the thought because I seemed to be managing this well, so far.

But going back, I seemed to process a lot of ideas the past few months and I hadn’t been blogging those. A lot of those and forgot most of them. But let me start my come back with a bio-post again LOL

I’ve already made changes, small changes with immense impacts. So far, they made me better. They changed me for like 70% in me (perhaps if my estimation is not wrong)

First, I’ve come not to hate this one person anymore. Way back, I was used to curse her like hell because I simple hate her the way she is. I was jealous back then because she has something I don’t have. I admit that. I hate her existence and I hate everything about her. But that was before. Now, I’m loving her as a friend. I don’t mind what she’s up to, what she’s doing or even what she’s wearing now compared before. The rage against her has not yet blown away entirely but at least 1/8 of it has gone so far. The feeling is light and I love it.

Second, as much as possible I was able to resist temptations and deny so much materialism. I am working now as a writer in a certain company plus I race through days to keep with my schedule as a working student and as a responsible daughter. Still, I am this person in the house who never leaves the house with so much mess and I see to it that my cousin is good going to school and that mom’s fine. I deal with problems (though I had hard times and worst ones) and I was able to keep my pedestal. More so, temptations though they’re nerve-wracking still at least even a bit, I was able to resist them like simple eat-outs and strolling. I kept up. I was also able not to buy so much things which I did not need. Now, I only buy those I see as very important. I am also glad to have my job because it really pays – I get paid while I learn and enjoy.

Third, the exposure I was used to have in school had been changed. I am now an ordinary school girl and I love everything about it, no regrets though there are times I would think I wished I had them back. But I love earning my own money and earning job experience credits. For practicality’s sake. I wouldn’t want to graduate by 2015 (hopefully) with no job assurance. I was also able to avoid too much texting of which I was addicted into. Then, today is my 16th day of no Facebook account. It’s just I felt Facebook brought no good things to me the past weeks which is why I deactivated it. Now I am now in my Twitter and I love every single thing I do there. Also I realized that I could really survive from these changes so long as I still have “one thing” to share all my random feelings whenever I want to shout out and that is Twitter.

Fourth, the guy I’ve been eyeing for so long now has been a brain drain for me which is why I chose to avoid him and eventually cut off our communication. Will not go into details but I am just happy we’re not talking anymore- virtual talks I mean. I believe he’s still into this girl and I couldn’t keep up. I hurt hurting myself, simple as that. I’ve only been an option, that’s my instinct and observation and I couldn’t anymore suffice looking so dumb which is why I ended everything. But so much for that…

Fifth, the most important thing is that…. despite my anxiety disorder (specifically OCD) and all the problems at work, school and at home, I am slowly pacing- I am slowly retrieving my steps- I am slowly rising- I am slowly taking a stand- I am slowly recovering because I also came back to God. To be honest, I came to a point where I missed Him. I forgot He was there and I even doubted His existence. But I am thankful enough that after a very long time (I guess so) I am now back to His Kingdom. I’d always love reading few passages in the Bible every night and I love talking to Him whenever I want. It seems that God is more than a Twitter to me. As Twitter would accumulate all my emotions and ideas, God is more than that. He’s also able to relieve my stress and pains. He’s able to solve what I’m going through by simply tapping at my back and hugging me although not physically.

I may have had a lot of rise and fall for the last 3 months but I surpassed them. Good thing I have Him. So truly blessed. Hope you find His intervention, too. 🙂 He’ll put a smile on your face, for sure. 🙂

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#Change

We often speak about “change” at any angle and we see this word differently. Basically, we refer change as social or political change – of which may have accounted for social/political unrest. Others too, hearing change usually tickles them and say change in physical appearance perhaps due to past experiences whatever they may be.

Heretofore, change is seen in a pool of variety. The other side of the coin may say that change is not okay for it denotes instability and discontentment, well probably true but of course, depending on the confronting circumstances. Like for example, frequent change of the company name may indirectly tells that the company leadership and management are held too loosely and might be foreseen as prone to collapse sooner or later. More so, discontentment because pushing for change means something has not been satisfied. But yes, speaking of these things, on the contrary, for others (please include me) change sounds good. Why? Because it challenges a system, a habit, a custom or anything else. It objectifies to reach something by taking a new route or applying a new strategy.

For me, I see change as an AVENUE – a greener pasture. I see it as liberalism. I believe it’s open-mindedness. Change of whatever may be, one thing’s for sure, an adventure.

People push for change when they notice that, perhaps a system or a leader is not well-enough anymore to sustain genuine progress for the state when it only results to more negative outputs hence people may be put to a pressing dilemma… “WHY DWELL?” So they change and fight for it. Some individuals also, want to change their physical appearance because they think their looks are not working properly in the mating aspect (cos deny it or not, we are all conscious in this mating set-up) See that, change emerges when flaws sprout and that is when we put, I mean, I put it as liberalism, open-mindedness and adventure. Change doesn’t speak for conservatism and so is open to possibilities and thus is not afraid to get out in the comfort zone.

Therefore and still, I respect myself for all the thoughts I had, I have and will have. Because, well, from now on, I want to build a new version of myself – with a lower profile and a conventional lifestyle.

Cos as I’ve said, change is an adventure. 😉

<photos all from mr. google>

Love yourself!

Loving what you have is sometimes hard, especially when you are being influenced with the mainstream. Like, the mainstream tells you to love K-Pop because that is trendy and what not. However,   I am proud of myself because I don’t easily get caught with all those influences because actually, I more prefer indie and underground. I get bothered with the mainstream and overrated. For example, I am in love with Birdy, Bon Iver, Ed Sheeran (though he’s getting mainstream, slowly), Ellie Goulding, Regina Spektor, Snow Patrol, The Smiths, Kings of Leon, The Lumineers, and m2m. Though I like the songs of Taylor Swift, Hilary Duff and Rihanna, still, I get a better feeling listening to indie songs. Because, this is what I have – a passion for the not-so-typical.

Now, let me go deeper, in cases like physical features, we usually don’t get contented because the mainstream media always show the ugh… TYPICAL features or the ideals of a hot gorgeous gal – skinny, white complexioned, with straight and sleek hair, high-lifted nose, thin pinky lips and on and on. And so, we try to reach those goals in order to fit in. That’s why, the market takes advantage of it by producing a lot of products and services that will provide avenues for achieving all those ideals. Now, what I’m here for is to understand, uhmm, no, to truly comprehend and appreciate WHAT WE HAVE!!!! Btw, don’t get me wrong, I am not telling that we’ll just be satisfied even if we look so untidy, nope, it’s not that. What I mean is that we’ll have to appreciate or better yet, love our in-born features. The gifts, I mean, if that’s how we look at it. For instance, I have a wavy hair. That’s hereditary. Sometimes, I ought to treat it with unnatural treatments like hair relax or semi-rebond to make it straight but after a while, I always end up to what’s with me. Later on, I have much realized that the type of hair strands I have is cool  and gorgeous. It just depends on how I accept it and flaunt it. This type of hair is not actually a mainstream type of ideal hair in the Philippines, lest unusual. But soon I have known that this type of hair is well-loved by most elegant ladies especially in hollywood (now, it’s more mainstream but taken that I’m in the territory of the Philippine Islands, it’s not that too hot in here). With that, I super love my hair, like, to death. But I still have to grow it into waist-length para perfect xD Plus, it’ll make me casually elegant because I can wear a hair like this down or tailed.

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I wanna grow my hair like these!

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Well, if you’ll ask me. What made me change my perspective of what is “beautiful” about something? SIMPLE. I changed my eye sockets. Haha yeah, yeah… I changed it because given that we are all different from one another which makes us the same, I wanted to be “the all-unique super gal” I will be proud of because I haven’t changed anything. More like, I feel happy because I know I am beautiful because this is the 98% of myself, NO CHANGES AT ALL. It’s also ego-feeding, and we can’t deny that. But hey, I am not saying, we should abandon all the enhancers because treatments and services that will truly change the nature of your features is different from mere enhancers. Like, rebond, what it does to your hair is counter the natural strand of your hair. Now, haven’t you think of changing your eye sockets first? In order to realize the beauty of your original hair? HAHA It’s an eye opener. Again, if you let your eyes be opened. In the end, it’s an individual choice.

HAPPY ME :)))))))))))))))))) LIVING A LIFE OF CONTENTMENT!!!!!

Series of Hectic Events

Last year was my “breakthrough” year because I had a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOT of new experiences like attaining more and more achievements, recognitions and respect because of my different positions in school. I will not anymore mention basta all of those were BLESSINGS from GOD Almighty.

And, to sum up… Let me share an ounce of my sensible activities last year S.Y. 2012-2013 🙂 and even the continuous ones…

FORUMS:

Forum on Bill of Rights

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Forum on Political Parties (With Zambales Rep. Mitos Magsaysay)Image

Forum on Human Rights (International Human Rights Day)Image

Forum on Mindanaoan Political Thought (With Rev. Atty. Elly Pamatong)

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Forum on Climate Change (With Sen. Loren Legarda)

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Forum on Family Code (E.O. 209)

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COMMUNITY EXTENSIONS:

Leadership Training with Lectures on Community Development –

Gawad Kalinga Socal, Gravahan

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Gawad Kalinga Medsa, Tibungco

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And still looking forward for more activities!! MORE PENDING PROJECTS :)) Hehehe

Link

am i that forgetful??

am i that forgetful??

 

https://www.carbonatedapple.blogspot.com

Damn! I forgot my password and I cannot retrieve it anymore… Well, this blogsite will be forever left and forgotten, a resting place of candid memories.

Series of Words Unspoken

10-03-12

By: Yours Truly

I miss you

**** ❤

This feeling I cannot explain

Whatever it is I just cannot restrain

You hold my heart like holding my breath

You tear me apart like a broken wreath

It was the shortest time meeting you

The least that could happen is impossible to undo

I’ve fallen in love with an activist

Someone who’d fight using his fist

Saying these things would mean useless

For it would always remain as a sheer mess

Thinking you has taken my rationality

I’d be willing to go on even if it means stupidity

I don’t know what brought you here

To cause such delay in my wildest thoughts my dear

You came but only to make me fall in love

Without even giving warnings through a dove

I would say, you are to be admired

With your shipshape look, I’d never get tired

You have radical ideas circling your mind

These things are making you a one of a kind

I cannot understand even if how I tried to

‘Cause you’d always remain as somebody so hard to pursue

Perhaps you’ve already have someone in your heart

Somebody I’d never outsmart

Shouldn’t I’d never expect nor assume

For doing such is like smelling a raw perfume

Killing myself softly with your tender presence

Would only make me a luminescence

You came just to tell me I’m stupid

Then left just to remind me I’m just a dry seed

Whom you’d never get interested

Worst, you’d never ever take time to shed.

AND SO I AM DYING… NOW… L Thanks for at least taking time in asking how I am – my reply: I AM NOT OKAY AND WILL NEVER BE.

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10-04-12

Dear my greatest trusted confidante,

Here I am again… Trying to confide things  just because I’m hurt,,. But before that, I wanna say sorry for being so occupied with all these things. I might have tortured you already for giving you so much aches. I’ve become too insensitive already, hurting at the most of your being. I know you’re hurt already but I just wanna share this ‘cause I’m feeling so nostalgic, hurt, used and helpless now.

You know, is it bad to fall in love? Like for such a short time of meeting somebody else then wasting some tears for this somebody? Please answer ‘cause I don’t know… I am totally corrupted now.

I don’t know what’s in his being which makes me fall and fall for him each day though Imay not see him everyday. I met him only twice, the first and maybe the last. He was awesome! And this time, I’ve come to ask. Have I fallen already or it’s just a mere admiration or fascination? …..

Hey, whaaaat? What is it?

I always think of him. Always caress his presence in my mind. He’s becoming too acquainted in my thoughts. And I cannot deny, he’s becoming one of my nerves already. I am expecting a bit, maybe and maybe hoping a lot for him to like/love me like the way I do. I demand for a reciprocal love. BUT I think it isn’t going to happen anymore. He’s totally in love with someone else. He’s definitely into this lucky girl and He’s MARRIED just all these times! He’s not here because he was there with her. He’s happily married and maybe devotedly in love with this girl.

With this, I conclude… I should maybe start wiping my tears and establishing a wider gap between us. Moreover, I may fall down at least, all by myself I would stand up and hold my head up high even if the feeling tortures me to death. And now, let me say farewell to this person because I will never let you cause me more pain. I am hurt a lot and will never be hurt the next time. 

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10-20-12

I was thinking all along that perhaps I’ve changed my mind already or maybe have taken the detour route by realizing matters to resolve my self-validating issues. I was happy admiring others and taking up fascinations while being with those guys out there. They were all good friends, they respect me and they are nice. We did share both good and fun memories, and that’s how I may describe how was I during those tough times of NO YOU to expect to see each day and NO YOU to impress. Still, I managed to make myself beautiful at some times but usually, I became absurd. Really… If I may say, I got to feel a company with some of your colleagues because they’ve chosen to stay here not because of me but because of their own personal reasons and that would be enough. Not like you, you left and somehow posed a nostalgia and expectation in my part even if I don’t have the right to feel such. You left for your own personal reasons which I cannot counter. At least, your colleagues chose to remain here and not to leave.

Now, I’ve chosen this feeling to disclose it to your utmost unconsciousness that I was grateful, very grateful to have forgotten you and more than that because of your absence and their presence which covered the translucent light of this hopeless love for you but then, suddenly… You came again, not by your presence but through your hypnotizing words which caused me to burst. I don’t know how to interpret you, your words, your actions, your you… BEING YOU… I was then happy with how you respond to my longing but it was all a short while because deep inside me I know it was just a consolation. I should not blind myself with the truth that someone like you would never like me much as true that you’re a liar. I am such a hopeless kid falling in love with a mysterious guy. Sorry, but let me cry this time.

END

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10-20-12

The worst part is, in that situation I was the one who was caught on guard, I was the one who gave in, I was the victim. And now I am the one hurting and missing. I only have your “regards” and nothing more. This word of mere acquaintance and consolation of which I have misunderstood and have used for a short period of happiness… You are married and here I am, secretly hurting. 

BEST THING I NEVER HAD… YOU WILL REMAIN INSIDE ME… FORGET ME, IT’S OKAY. TURN YOUR BACK, I KNOW YOU WILL… I LOVE YOU.

I slipped! AGAIN?

I finally checked my grades for the previous semester (1st semester S.Y. 2012-2013) and I was very disappointed. :/ But relieved, on the other hand. Well, relief was sure that came. At last, I’d never worry and wander anymore. However, I was disappointed knowing that my GPA slipped down. From 94 something down to 92 something, that’s appalling. Haist… And I’ve no one to blame, it’s just… I’ll blame it to myself. For having a sporadic schedule, effortless performance well coz I don’t mind having late, absences and missed quizzes. Such a lame attitude and I’m full of regrets now! 😦

Look at the transition of my GPA:

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1st Semester S.Y. 2011-2012

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2nd Semester S.Y. 2011-2012

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1st Semester S.Y. 2012-2013

Hey, Apple! WAKE UP!! You’re in college!! *crosses fingers*